Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize