i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
