highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
