just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
