I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3pm strippers are depressing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
