i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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