I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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