i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
