so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
