Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
