the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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