what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
