..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize