Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
