Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
