Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
