To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
