College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
