idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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