I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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