dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
