The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
