Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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