I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
