I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
