So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
