im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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