no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
