I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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