I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
