in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
