I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
