Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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