the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
