2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
