somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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