she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
why do cheetos always look like penises
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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