so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if only i could text you this smell
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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