Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
