that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
