i just had sex bonerless
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
