Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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