listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
