you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
