There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
