guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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