theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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