do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was like having sex with a tree stump
a search helicopter?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my poor anus
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize