Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
