we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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