I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
