So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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