so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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