Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
