Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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