My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
