so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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