tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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