Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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