Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's shark week go big or go home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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