i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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