fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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