And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
