He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
